Back Pains and the Letter

It's nearly Christmas!!!

My absences have been getting pretty bad at the moment.  They're becoming almost 20 minutes long and I feel as if I am losing all feeling in my back.  It's more or less like all of my bones in my back have vanished and I just slump forwards into an absence and I become double-jointed.  Emma always has to try and catch me when she is sat next to me because I am bent almost in half.  I feel as if I am stretching my back and twisting it all over the place, so when I am sat in certain positions, the side of my back really hurts.

When I'm lying down in bed or on the sofa, then I tend to feel fine because the muscles in my back feel very relaxed and I don't feel tensed up at all.  However, when I sit up I instantly feel in pain because I am not relaxing my back to stand up and I am trying to sit up straight.  Sometimes if I sit or stand in a certain way then the pains start, which isn't very good when I am working in a shop and I am constantly walking around!

I received a letter today from my doctor.  It was a copy of another letter to a neurosurgeon to discuss me having a VNS implant.  It basically said that I am a 21 year old (he actually got my age wrong, I'm not 21 until next week!) who has intractable epilepsy.  In other words, that means epilepsy that couldn't be controlled.  He said that I have tonic-clonic seizures every 3-4 weeks, absences every day, what I went through on holiday with my repeated seizures and my psychosis (thanks for reminding me!) and that he had explored every avenue that could be looked at and he doesn't know what I could have next.

It then went on to say that I am a very good candidate for the VNS implant and he would like me to have the 106 model.  After receiving the letter, we did some research on what the 106 model is and we found out that it is the latest model and it was only available since this year!

We are very excited for the VNS implant, but for me it is nervous excitement.  I have never gone under anaesthetic before.  I have stayed overnight before - I actually went in there for a week exactly a year ago today but I guess being under anaesthetic is different.  My parents have said that it's like being asleep, so I will just have to rely on what they will have to say!