Temper!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

I felt that it was only fitting to update my blog on Halloween!  Also, I haven't updated my blog in a while and I have quite a bit to put!

I've had a couple more absences today, but they were a bit lighter so it wasn't so bad.  Mum asked me if they were lighter or darker absences, which I think is very fitting for Halloween!  My head tends to shake quite a bit whenever I have absences.  It tends to get a bit annoying - I guess it's a bit like a tonic-clonic, except it isn't my entire body that's shaking, it's just my head.  Plus I'm fully conscious.

I am becoming quite irritable at the moment.  We don't know whether it's due to having a bad temper or the side effects of my medication.  I have always had a short fuse but I feel as if it's getting worse.  Yesterday, I seriously snapped at my sister.  She wanted to read something to me that she found on Facebook but I was concentrating on something else and didn't feel like listening to it.  Instead of saying "No, I'm good, I'll read it later", I just said "No".

Emma continued to read them though, saying "Not even...?" and then read some quotes that I can't remember.  Suddenly, I just snapped and shouted at her, going "EMMA, I SAID NO!"  I think it was a surprise to her and I don't think she quite knew what to say to me after. I hadn't treated my sister like that for as long as I can remember, and although I felt myself shaking, I regretted it almost immediately afterwards.  I had gone upstairs for a bath and my emotions just took over and I just said to Mum "I shouted at Emma earlier" and burst into tears.

The fact that I had snapped at Emma had never affected me that badly before, and I didn't know why at first.  However, looking back at it, I think it's because of the medication that I am on.  Some people think that the more medication that they are on, the better things will become, but for me, it's the opposite.  I think that I'm on too much and I think that I need a decrease in my medication.

We realised that I never shout at people I'm not close too, it's always my family or people I know really well.  For example, I would snap at my family (not as bad as that night with Emma), and once I had a little snap at one of my friends at dancing, but I had known her for twelve years and I could just about control it.  However, I would never get angry at people at work.  It's almost as if my body is amazing at controlling my brain, but then my brain would know the times it can explode.

For once, I actually can't wait until my hospital appointment in December!

I WISH IT COULD COME SOONER!!!

A Saturday Fall!

Hello fellow bloggers and blog readers!

It's Saturday today which means one thing and one thing only - DANCING!  However, nothing goes smoothly, does it?  Turns out that I had yet another fall today.  What is it with me and falls on Saturdays?  I've only just gotten rid of my bruises from my face plant before dancing, and now I have another bruise!

Luckily today it wasn't a face plant and I landed on my back with my dressing gown cushioning my fall and I just have a little bump on the back of my head that will probably show up tomorrow.  It shakes me up a bit and Mum did her "You don't have to go to dancing today" speech, but I went anyway.  After all, it's the dancing exams coming up and I need to be at as many lessons as possible.

I never tell the charity shop about when I have my falls.  I still feel as if I have the risk of being dropped from working at the shop if they find out I have any falls so I am under the mentality of what they don't know won't hurt them.  Once, when I had a funny turn at the charity shop and it was quite soon after we got back from the holiday, the manager asked me if I had any seizures within the past few weeks.  I thought back to the holiday when I had my seizures and my psychosis and then just said:

"No."

I know it isn't the 100% truth and I should have told them the truth, but I am a bit paranoid about it in case the charity shop might drop me.  I tell the teachers at dancing because I know that they wouldn't freak out.  They even let me take two dancing exams an hour after I had a tonic-clonic seizure!  Funnily enough, they were a bit hesitant at first, particularly after they saw my bitten lip and bitten tongue and the fact that I was constantly yawning, but I insisted that I was fine and they let me take the exam!

Sometimes, people may think that you are just plain stubborn.  But you sometimes have to insist that you are just plain right – even if you do have to resort to drastic measures!

 Me and some of my trophies!

A Link About Epilepsy!

Hi!

My friend sent me this link about epilepsy that some of you may like.  It is actually pretty educational, which is why I am going to attach it underneath.  It made me smile as well, because it put a bit of humour into it.

http://www.healthmojo.org/2015/10/20/5-reasons-life-with-seizure-epilepsy-is-weirder-than-you-think/


It shows that television doesn't give accurate information about epilepsy and there is more to it than meets the eye.  For example, some people think about seizures are just caused by flashing lights and not all of them are caused by flashing lights.  In fact, there is quite a small percentage and my epilepsy isn't affected by lighting of any sort.  It's actually caused by stress, tiredness and excitement!

I hope that if you get the opportunity you can have a look at this because even though there is some humour in it, it is actually very informative and you can learn a lot from it.

Hope you like it!

Nina Conti!

I jinxed it last night!  I only had one absence and then I fell, bruised my right arm on the sink and hit my head on the bathroom unit!  At least it was just a little scratch!

Tonight was a brilliant night!  We went to see NINA CONTI!!!  Nina Conti (if you haven't heard of her) is an amazing ventriloquist who has this monkey puppet called Monk and he picks on people in the audience and makes fun of their jobs!  She has these masks that she likes to put on people and gets them to stand there whilst she did different voices for them with different accents!  It was brilliant!  I'll put a picture up of the stage but it was amazing!

I had quite a deep absence in the car before I went and whilst I was there but I think it was the adrenaline of being there and it was only during the interval so I didn't miss any of the performance.  During the absence, I did feel quite panicky because I was wondering when I was going to get out of the absence.  Whilst I was watching Nina Conti perform, I had a couple of lighter absences but I managed to, sort of, control those so I could still watch her perform and not miss any of her performance.

All in all, it was an awesome night and here is my picture to prove it!

My Graduation!

I GRADUATED TODAY!!!

Oh, but firstly, hi!

I had to go to the Albert Hall in Nottingham and get myself all robed up with a hat and get my picture taken with a scroll and stuff so we had to show up pretty early.  I ended up getting pretty warm too because I was wearing a pretty thick dress as well but I managed to survive for an hour or so!  I bumped into my tutor as well!  That wasn't awkward at all!

I really confused the woman who was sorting the hats because when we were ordering robes and hats, we measured my head and we thought that I needed a large hat and I told her that I needed a large hat but she got me to try one on but it was far too small!!!  I tried the extra large too and it fitted well but that was a pretty snug fit as well!

Mum went photo crazy today.  I felt as if there was nowhere to hide because she was permanently stood there with her phone, ready to take photos for Facebook!  Not only that, but there were professional photographers wandering around as well taking photos of the event too!  Mum was taking a photo of me and Emma stood in front of a vase of flowers and a junior photographer suddenly jumped next to her and started taking photos of the two of us too!

I was sat with the other graduates today to find someone who I went to secondary school with (I think Mum took joy in watching my look of horror as I recognised his name in the leaflet I was given!).  I also saw someone from primary school who I haven't seen in nine years so that was a bit strange!

I am very proud to say that I am the first person ever to get a Higher Education Certificate in Children and Young People's Services!  I was the only person to graduate from that degree which meant a long introduction by the head of faculty with me stood by the stage with my legs feeling more and more like jelly!  Eventually she introduced me and I managed to walk across the stage, shake hands with her, get my photo taken, and get back to my seat.

I ended up agreeing to a video interview so I told the interviewer beforehand that I have epilepsy so I might zone out during the interview.  I then saw a light bulb click on in her head and she immediately said:

"Before we start... can I ask... did you get any additional support with your degree?

Anything to spread awareness!

I have to say when it comes to my absences my timing is amazing!  I didn't have any at all before the graduation, or when I was sat in my seat or (thankfully) when I walked across the stage to get my scroll, but when I met up with my family, I immediately had an absence and felt really wobbly!  And I don't think it was the heels on my shoes that made me wobbly!  I think it was the adrenaline of the day and the relief that I didn't have any absences whilst walking across the stage that made me have the absence but it only lasted a couple of seconds and someone immediately gave me some water, thinking that I might have fainted, but I was fine!

This proves that you can do anything and everything, no matter what you do!  Even if you have epilepsy, you can still graduate with a university degree, and here are the pictures to prove it!

  

                                    

A Deep Absence!

Hi!

It's been discovered that I am good at jinxing things!  I said yesterday that I had gone two months exactly since having a tonic-clonic seizure, but later on that night, I had a deep seizure.

According to my parents, it wasn't an actual tonic-clonic seizure, it was more of a really deep absence.  But it felt like a big seizure because I felt so tired afterwards, I felt like the after effects of my deep absence was forcing my eyes shut.  It resulted in me having to go to bed and sleeping until 11:15!  That's what I call a lie in!

Having a seizure of any sort is the equivalent of doing a marathon which is a disadvantage in lots of ways - the energy draining out of you, crying, feeling sick from being so tired, your limbs being so heavy, wanting to talk but not having the energy to so just talking jibberish...

The advantage of having a deep absence was that it didn't count in the number of tonic-clonic seizures I have had, so I can still focus on the fact that my last tonic-clonic was on holiday in August.  But I know that everything will be fine.  If I believe that everything will go OK, that it will go OK!

More information on absences

Two months seizure free!

I've got some good news that I think I should share on here.  I am two months seizure free today!  Fingers crossed that I can go longer than two months but before I have marked an anniversary with a tonic-clonic seizure!

I am taking each day a day at a time, but I have my graduation soon so hopefully that will go smoothly!  But I have the mentality that if something will go well, it will go well.  We measured me for my gown and my hat for my ceremony, and when we measured my head for my mortar board, we found out that I will need a large hat!  But that's not because I have a big head, it's because I have a BIG BRAIN!

So I'm raising an invisible glass to two months seizure free, and I hope you will too!

Seize the day!!!

The Charity Shop!

Charity shop today!

I volunteer one afternoon a week at a charity shop doing normal stuff that a person who works in a shop does - I tidy up stock on the shop floor, I work in the stock room pricing things and I work behind the till (I still haven't gotten the hang of the money yet!).  I always end up bumping into people who I know - last week I bumped in one of my neighbours!

They almost didn't allow me to work at the charity shop because once whilst I was there I had a fall and the next day they called me and Mum in for a chat and they said that maybe it would be best if I didn't work there any more.  Luckily for me and unluckily for them, I studied The Equality Act and The Disability Discrimination Act three times whilst I was at college and it is actually against the law to fire someone because of a disability and it's against the law to discriminate against someone with a disability,  We spoke to the regional manager and six months later, I am still working at the charity shop!

Today, we had two scooters and a mini tricycle come in and we planned on having a race back home!  Strangely enough, it didn't happen!  But we felt that it was important to test the scooters so we rode them through the shop floor to check that they worked!

It's always worth trying everything out!

Shoe shopping!

It's my graduation on Saturday - YAYYY!!!  Me and Mum went into town today to buy some shoes and stuff ready for it so we are all prepared!

We went to this place called Annie's Burger Shack and they had the world's biggest burgers!  I love burgers, but the one I had even beat me.  I definitely couldn't manage pudding today, it was massive!!!  They had one burger called The Elvis and it had peanut butter and jam on it - who has peanut butter and jam on a burger?

We were for once lucky with the buses, but then I went and had an absence at the bus stop so Mum had to wait with me and also hope that the bus didn't drive off while I was having an absence!  Luckily for us, the bus waited and we managed to get on the first one!  The disadvantage of having absences at bus stops - the bus drivers get a bit impatient!

Here is a picture of my burger!

Beef, bacon, sausage and chicken burger with cheese!

A Holiday Hiccup!

Dehydration has always been an issue for me.  I had a few seizures whilst I was on holiday.  I was on a cruise with my family (me, my mum, my dad, and Emma - my older sister).  It was very warm and it was difficult to stay in the shade.  There was also a party on the deck so heat + dehydration + dancing = seizures!

I had multiple seizures that day, and it was only when I got home when a discovered that I had nine seizures!  I came round to find my family and the paramedics putting cold flannels on my face and my arms and my legs.  They were injecting me to try and stop the seizures but I kept going into other ones!  I still have little marks from when they were injecting me, but it was agreed that it was because I hadn't drunk enough that day.  There is so much to do on the ship, you almost get sidetracked!

I couldn't go down to dinner that night, so me and Mum had to get room service whilst Emma and Dad.  I ended up having a psychosis which made me go into a rage and I nearly threw the television remote control at the screen.  Luckily, Mum managed to grab my arm and take the remote off me.  I think it about exhausted me so I just about got some sleep.

I woke up and looked at a glass of water, then at my arm where they had injected me at the deck party and straight away, I looked at Mum and just said:

"Are you trying to drug me?"

She only got me a glass of water!

Luckily, Emma and Dad came back and I had to go and see a doctor.  After that, it was a bit of a blur.  The doctor was trying to give me a tablet to help with my psychosis and I was really hesitant to take a tablet because firstly, it was quite an ominous looking tablet and I thought he was trying to kill me and secondly, he wasn't my real doctor - it's not like my usual doctor could come and treat me on holiday!

All in all, it was a rocky holiday, but I consider it as a hiccup!

Tonic-clonics and face planting!

I had my first tonic-clonic seizure in the kitchen.  I don't know what my brain had against me.  There I was, just finishing my breakfast and my apple juice and next thing I knew I was lying on the floor with my family and three paramedics gathered around me.  My dad decided that he would take the job to tell me about my first seizure.  Of course, he was very soothing about it.  He said:

"It's OK Becky, don't panic, you've just had a seizure."

Thanks Dad.  Thanks for breaking it to me gently.  I was put on a stretcher and into an ambulance, out of the corner of my eye seeing our neighbours coming out of their houses.  Was this an episode of Coronation Street?  Let's see who is coming out of No. 6 on a stretcher?  Meanwhile, my mum had gone and broken her toe after falling down the stairs on the way to call for an ambulance.  My mind was racing with three things whilst I was outside that morning.

1)  What the hell is happening?

2)  Oh great, I'm going to be showing up at the hospital in my pyjamas.

3)  Looks like I'm not going to my dancing lessons today.

That's right, Becky, get your priorities straight.

When I showed up at the hospital, it was like an episode of Casualty!  Seriously, they weren't exactly taking their time with taking the trolley down the corridor.

At least I didn't have to stay overnight.  I was sent home that day after being greeted to quite a few of Get Well Soon cards!!!

My second tonic-clonic was in the bathroom.  I was pretty lucky that day.  One moment I was brushing my teeth, the next I was on the floor, with my head inches from the boiling hot towel rail.  The paramedics were called and (again) I was put in an ambulance with (again) three things running through my mind.

1)  Another one?

2)  Why do I always end up turning up at A&E in my pyjamas?

3)  Look on the bright side - at least I'm missing PE, double Physics AND English today.

My parents were told to only call an ambulance if my seizures were over 5 minutes, so I didn't need to go into hospital after that.

I had one on Halloween - never mind the kids trying to scare the people at their front doors, I scared myself!  I had one at Race for Life, one on a few of my birthdays, some where I just needed to sleep a lot and one where I face planted a wall!  That was an interesting one.  I went dancing after that.  I don't know whether my parents wanted me to go, but I still went!

Katie Price, eat your heart out!

Shaken, not stirred!

I always feel as if the term "shaken, not stirred" can have more than one definition.  When most people - well, probably just about all people think about the quote "shaken, not stirred", they think about the film James Bond.  I am proud to say that I have never seen any of the James Bond films and I am in no position to.  But anyway, I am going off on a tangent.

When I think of the term "shaken, not stirred", I think of epilepsy.  That isn't for any random reason.  If you listen to my reason, you will consider my reason as perfectly valid.  Think about it - if you have epilepsy, you are shaken.  So much, in fact, you feel as if you have a headache.  So, shaken, not stirred, is that a good idea?  Right then, let me introduce myself:

My name is Becky Boulton, I'm 20 years old, and I have epilepsy.

It is actually a type of epilepsy that has a longer name, and a letter was recently delivered to me with the actual name of it on the letter.  However, it is on the dining room table, and I have just sat down after lunch with some chocolate, so I am really comfortable.

I'm joking, I do know the name of the type of epilepsy I have.  I have Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy.  It has changed over the seven years in which I have been diagnosed.  It started as Idiopathic Generalized Epilepsy (which is basically what they call it when they have no idea why I have epilepsy).  Then it changed to Juvenile Absence Epilepsy, and then it was changed to Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy.

My absences started when I was ten years old and I started glazing over and not paying a lot of attention in class.  I got into trouble with my teacher at first for it because she thought I was daydreaming and just glazing over in class.  Personally I think it was because she couldn't spell and she needed someone to correct all of the words that she spelled wrong on the whiteboard, but that's just my opinion.  My absences last anything from a few seconds to one that my sister said that lasted 20 minutes a while ago.  These continued with my parents and my sister thinking I was just daydreaming.

My tonic-clonics are a bit of a pain to me.  These are the bigger seizures that can last from just under a minute to a little over 5 minutes.  These give me a pounding headache, make me sleep for the rest of the day,bite my tongue until it bleeds and (if I haven't emptied my bladder) wet myself.  Luckily I didn't wet myself on the way to school, otherwise that would've been a little awkward.

I used to have myoclonics, which were where I would suddenly jerk and/or shout out.  Usually I could disguise this as a cough, but it happened in a library once and there was the typical rule in the library where you weren't allowed to talk and I shouted out so LOUDLY everyone stared at me.  I couldn't disguise it as a cough - that was impossible, and I couldn't run away because I needed to finish my work so I just had to try to avoid all eye contact with everyone.  A girl next to me at a computer asked if I was ok and I just had to tell her about my epilepsy and she just said that as long as I was ok just make sure I let a member of staff know if I was feeling ill.  I worked out that I had them due to stress.  I had them when my coursework was on top of me and I had one when my Grandma died so there was a theme.  Luckily I was put on medication where they stopped the next day so that was good.

I have started having partials now where I remember one thing but then I can't remember a period of time until the next time.  A while ago, I had one where one moment I was sat on my bed, the next moment I was lying on the floor moments after an 8-minute seizure where I had face-planted a wall and had a seizure.  My parents have had to put in a stair gate now.  I am not joking.