I felt that it was only fitting to update my blog on Halloween! Also, I haven't updated my blog in a while and I have quite a bit to put!
I've had a couple more absences today, but they were a bit lighter so it wasn't so bad. Mum asked me if they were lighter or darker absences, which I think is very fitting for Halloween! My head tends to shake quite a bit whenever I have absences. It tends to get a bit annoying - I guess it's a bit like a tonic-clonic, except it isn't my entire body that's shaking, it's just my head. Plus I'm fully conscious.
I am becoming quite irritable at the moment. We don't know whether it's due to having a bad temper or the side effects of my medication. I have always had a short fuse but I feel as if it's getting worse. Yesterday, I seriously snapped at my sister. She wanted to read something to me that she found on Facebook but I was concentrating on something else and didn't feel like listening to it. Instead of saying "No, I'm good, I'll read it later", I just said "No".
Emma continued to read them though, saying "Not even...?" and then read some quotes that I can't remember. Suddenly, I just snapped and shouted at her, going "EMMA, I SAID NO!" I think it was a surprise to her and I don't think she quite knew what to say to me after. I hadn't treated my sister like that for as long as I can remember, and although I felt myself shaking, I regretted it almost immediately afterwards. I had gone upstairs for a bath and my emotions just took over and I just said to Mum "I shouted at Emma earlier" and burst into tears.
The fact that I had snapped at Emma had never affected me that badly before, and I didn't know why at first. However, looking back at it, I think it's because of the medication that I am on. Some people think that the more medication that they are on, the better things will become, but for me, it's the opposite. I think that I'm on too much and I think that I need a decrease in my medication.
We realised that I never shout at people I'm not close too, it's always my family or people I know really well. For example, I would snap at my family (not as bad as that night with Emma), and once I had a little snap at one of my friends at dancing, but I had known her for twelve years and I could just about control it. However, I would never get angry at people at work. It's almost as if my body is amazing at controlling my brain, but then my brain would know the times it can explode.
For once, I actually can't wait until my hospital appointment in December!
I WISH IT COULD COME SOONER!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment